this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
