I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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