wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
