I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
