hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
