She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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