What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
