i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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