My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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