I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My boob is missing a layer of skin
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
