what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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