I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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