i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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