and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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