so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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