New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
God, I missed his penis.
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