I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
