last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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