It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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