How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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