Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
