Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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