I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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