ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
