I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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