i was born a porn star she said
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
