I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
