i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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