did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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