i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
