He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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