The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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