i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
