areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
