You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Alive.
So much puke
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
