You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
