It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
