I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
