Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
