It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
