96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
