Apparently you make a good broom.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
