You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
