Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
