how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
