No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
