my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
