On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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