Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize