I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
