on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
