I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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