I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize