Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
