The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
