this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize