Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
