I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize