he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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