Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it's like iHOP with fire
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
