Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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