Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
