Duck Duck Cougar?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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