How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
