this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
