god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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