I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
