i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
