There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
