I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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