Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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