We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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