So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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