No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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