it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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