it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
