I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
