my phone needs a breathalizer
Someone shit on the floor
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
