I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
