She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
