does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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