Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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