Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
