Me too!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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