i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
