Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
