At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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