I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
