I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
